It's WAR!!

Fleas. They must die, but with no harm to anyone, or anything else. A video is on it's way. I'm so done with this. Suggestions appreciated, nothing with Essential Oils in it. They can destroy a cat's liver. Seriously.

Goat Rodeo Fiber Fiesta: Box Hab

Goat Rodeo Fiber Fiesta: Box Hab: "Do not touch the box, do not mess with the Dream in Color Smooshy yarn, and you don't get injured. Comprende?"

Box Hab

"Do not touch the box, do not mess with the Dream in Color Smooshy yarn, and you don't get injured. Comprende?"

Bathing Cats

Bathing cats should only be attempted with the utmost care and many bandages.

For the human, not the cat.

My Aching Arms! or, "Do You Want Some Cheese with that Whine?"

I've been making full and valiant use of my new Umbrella Swift and Ball Winder. I actually have been very bad and threatening all and sundry around here if they are not well behaved, I will wind their balls. My family does not find this as funny as I do. They are bored with the joke and Herne just screams and runs when he hears it. Drama Llama. He's not really scared. My latest endeavors in the yarn-biscuit universe can be found on my Pintrest Page. http://pinterest.com/nliedel/boards/ I have a number of boards, most of them re-pins, but yarn I am dyeing, projects and finished objects are slowly being loaded as I fiddle with uploading, resizing and in general becoming a better photographer. I miss my friend, Mark. He died a few years ago. I'd been his best bud for 25 years, when we were speaking. He was insensitive and I am a drama queen. We would get mad at one another, be pissy for a few months and then fix it.

Mark was an award winning photographer and was in constant despair of my photographic abilities, or inabilities. F-stop, shadows, even getting something in focus were a mystery to me. I have strange vision, and it never did do it properly. Now, with my digital, that does everything, but cook a nice dinner, I am pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty good.

As far as the vlog goes, I am constantly pestered by children and animals. Even the phone seems to know when I am recording and I sound silly to my ears. I know, just do it. I am getting better and am almost at a place I can put up the video without cringing. Almost.

Herne is here now. He has found Blogspot and the world will soon be inundated by his blog. He is amazing when he writes. I am happy about it. Shhh, don't tell him. He has quite the ten year old ego. :)

Hernie-Roo

Last Days of Everything!!

School is coming to an end and we have to be out of the old house tomorrow. We are so not ready for any of it. Also, Gene-Gene goes to Boy Scout camp on Saturday for a week. It's a good week to do their room. Steven is  flexible. I just need the paint colors. The boys are harder to get the colors for.

Today, Hernie-Roo, The Rooster, as I have been calling him, goes to the Henry Ford. I've never been there. I've been to Greenfield Village, but the car museum was not there when I was. He gets to take a lunch and is happy as a clam, except for his pollen allergies. We need to get him to someone who can help him with that.

I finished a shawl last night, my TGV. Modified to the max. It has a good shoulder shape for me and a nice drape for the fiber. I'm not a huge fan of the yarn. I am going to make it again in a yellow yarn that I will dye for my mom in law.

This Sunday my husband will be 45!! I can't believe it. He looks the same as the day I married him, but the daughter of his best man is graduating from college, so he's older. No one believes he is as old as he is. Everyone is going to Grandma's.I'm bringing the cake, but the kitchen is not together, so I'm buying. Better for everyone, because I won't stress out.

It's amazing what a family of 6 can amass in ten years. We are terrified we won't have it all out. Gene said the other day the storage unit is to Tetris Level 12. I'm sure it's way beyond that. Both the older boys do not think it's possible to get something that full, but dad is an origami expert when it comes to packing. I am constantly amazed. Sadly, my sewing machine is at the back. I may not see it again. I need a new one that sews straight, zig-zag and buttonholes. Nothing more. I have the embroidery machine, but you set it up for one and it's a pain to change. My husband broke a plastic part on y Brother. I'm not sure it's fixable, but if not, a replacement is not pricey,

Since I started felting, I've been jonesing for the Janome Needle Felter. I've thought about just a needle felting attachment, but I'd rather not wear it out faster. I am also giving up and starting the lookout for a new serger. Well, new to me. Someone who has traded  up. Mine was a gift from my mother in law, but it cuts threads and is persnickety. There are enough grouchy middle aged types around here. We don't need a helper to do that too. It does not have to self-thread. It just has to be a good machine that works wonderfully. The local sewing center has a lot of used ones.

Today, I have designed my own shawl along the lines of a Stephan West shawl. There are many who think his work is overrated and I was sliding in that direction, when I took a Cratsy Class on his designs. Now, I realize his taste is mine and I find a lof of comfort in knowing I'm part of a fan crowd. I guess that makes me a Fan Middle aged woman. Believe me, I'm not being paid to tell you about them, but it's learning that I can do at anytime and take the classes over and over again. They are a little pricey, but a local class would be more and a few of them are free. They have patterns too. Free patterns, not all are, have become an addiction of mine. It's sad.

So, I have my work cut out for me today and I have to transplant hostas,mint and chives. It's  little late in the season, but it is what it is. I've never divided hostas before. Seems straightforward. Which means I am bound to mess it up. :)

The Nature of Nerves

I've made about 30 takes on my new vlog and hate them all. I talk too fast, get off topic, forget something. It's silly, cause it's my first and I expect nothing from it I need to get over myself and just do it, repeat anything that motivates me. I am working on the studio and I can tape what I am going to do in there and where I am.

BTW, if you do paper bag floors, don't let anyone in there and do it fast. I am finding dirt tracks on my primer layer every day. I was being stupid and doing the floors before the walls. I got that figured out and now am doing the walls and some furniture. I can't wait till it's done. The walls are a very bright pink, but they are going to have black shelving in front of them, so they will be peaking through. I am not copying this website, http://www.sweetgeorgiayarns.com/ I already had the paint and colors picked out when I found it and started to laugh. That pink has more blue than mine, but it's close. She also has the same shelving in one of the pictures I am getting. I got a huge kick out of it. My floors are very different, but they are going to be a  lot alike.

She has wonderful taste, so I am taking it as a compliment.

Sloggy bits

I'm knitting along. I have a wedding to knit a shawl for and dyeing to work on, but the knitting is at that part where I'm bored and none of my shows are on anymore. This is a very dangerous time. I could watch, "The Bachelorette."

"Danger Will Robinson, you're losing what's left of your mind!!!!"

With no known of power outages and work to do, I am praying the kids are all in school today. I can always  paint. Yes, I am allergic, but it's got to get done. Later today, I promise Formulary Update and photos of what I'm getting. I am making over as much as I can and spray paint is your friend.

I will have enough shelves at this place to put out all our books!!!! Also, Gene is going to build me a window seat. Okay, it's going to be a cat bench, but I'll take it.

When I show you the color for the room, no freaking. I will not be painting all walls that color and most of it will be hidden with pops here and there.

Floor: Kraft paper and nature paper. Laid today. Poly tomorrow

Spray paint long desk white.

Clean round table dad gave me and touch it up. Use it in the middle of the room for a work table.

No wall. Too permanent, in case we want to pull it and I will not have a good enough way to hear the kids. Instead it's Ikea to the rescue.

I also get to plant grass seed and sig for another flower garden for wild flowers this week. Oh, and wash the deck...This is starting to sound busy.

Walls a Navajo White, which is a warm white in semi gloss. Stains MUST come up. Well cleaned and primed (That is taking me the longest).

No screaming, this is my studio, most walls will be white with black furniture. This is my accent color.

This is from the Olympic Site and it's what I've dreamed of, only with silver, not gold.

The rest of the house is getting calm with lots of white and accent walls in this:

It's blue, but not typical.

Ikea Furniture. Yes, you can build this yourself, but I want it this century.

This will act as a room divider and there will be two back to back.

Desk change up. Yes, it's Ikea, no it will not last forever. I just need function right now.

This is the table my dad gave me. It's got great bones, but dad does not know how to clean and he's been doing his work on this table for as long as I can remember. It's a mess. It's also Knoll, so worth a restore. My kids, kids will use it. 

I have a desk chair, I want a comfy chair for my spinning wheel, this birthday. Music provided by, I don't know. Computer speakers? 

When a Good Book Gives You Thought, Book Review Wednesday

Clicking Above will take you to the Amazon site. I am not monetizing this page. I get nothing for your clicks. It's just here so you can check it out, if you wish to. Thanks!!

I am a very spiritual person by nature. However, religion is, to me, a transient thing. A set of rules to follow that change as you go from faith system to faith system. Each declares themselves the way, each sounds like the others after a while. I am sure I have just horrified everyone who considers themselves to be deeply religious, but if you are, then you will not judge. That's the hardest thing to do. Not judge those unlike you.

Once a colleague in Florida stated that he did not have to worry about being judgemental about homosexuality. "God already done judged em. So I can shoot em if I want." Beyond Hurricane Opal, a rather insane landlady who made me look positively glowing with good mental health and the Palmetto Bug we named because he appeared in the house nightly and we could have leashed him, we moved north. There are people in parts of the world it is dangerous for me to be around. My husband is well known for his, Rachel Maddow crush, broad sweeping statements about all conservatives being _______________, I am not. I am a liberal, but liberal enough to know I know little and while I do enjoy a good Rachel every now and then, I often find her a bit like a liberal Ann Coulter. Sure, she has a point, but it's stated in a gleeful way that makes my skin crawl. Because someone is against what you believe to be a fundamental truth, does not make them wrong and you pious. I am tired of the far anything and their opinions. Can't we go back to the middle ground where most people lie? Can it truly be a man of the middle who has a strong viewpoint not be elected President? A die hard Dem, I would seriously consider Chris Christie for office, if he should run.

I think my mother just rolled over in her grave. Face it, you've gotta give points to a man who had the tenacity to put the needs of the people of his state ahead of the party line. Any party.

Politics aside, I often listen to books about spiritual revelation in all forms and all faith systems. I have been a student of people since I was young and why someone joins a church, faith, leaves, how they reason, means a lot to me. Even if it is not how I would reason.

Last week was a bad one. A public panic attack followed by being told that you were too mentally fragile to leave the house, your worst fear, is not comforting. It makes you reevaluate your life and were you stand. So, with great trepidation I purchased the e-book of, "Does This Church Make Me Look Fat?" by Rhoda Janzen. A woman who lives close to where I grew up. A Bible belt of strict values, involving a world of, "Come on down and sell in our lovely multi-tired sales program that owns Grand Rapids," and black and white values. You are for them, or against them. Aside from my rather big mouth and tendency to cry when teased (I am not going to count the summer I never bathed. To this day I believe my daily life swimming in Lake Michigan was divine for a 13 year old girl and if I smelled of dead alewives, all the better to humiliate my sister). I was a very good victim and standing up for myself involved a series of beat downs both verbal and physical and Mike Kelley, who is now a teacher, lighting my hair on fire on the bus. Poor Frannie, our driver. She was a staple in my life and yelled at me for being so stupid as to not rat out Mike. Pardon me Frannie, but he was among the head of the schools ruling class and in my mind, one did not mess with him. It is with laughter I look back on a party I attended at 22 wherein the same young man, now an adult, hugged me and told me he missed me. I suspect he had been drinking. I am fairly confident he does not think of me and I rarely of him, except to wish him well. Yes, he is forgiven for torching my hair that day. It was damp and I was without hairspray. Another day would have been horrible, but that day I was running late.

Holland, MI is the Mecca for all reformed Christians. It is a place of beauty and more churches per capita than any other city in the US. Okay, that statistic was true in the 80's and may no longer hold weight, but it comforts me to know there is a rather rigid crowd still about. Rigid and yet not pushy. They are not pushing into the world with a gung ho, become one of us attitude. One must be born or married to truly become one of them and then, "if you ain't Dutch, you ain't much," is the cry.

I have been taught to love and be slightly afraid of the close knit religious community I was raised in. As with all of the world, there are good points and bad. I was not Dutch. I was not an attendee of the, "Correct church."  Me as me, was an outsider and that made me feel a bit rebellious and wild. In actuality, I was pretty tame, but one could only be so wild with my group and even in my group, the truly wild did not incorporate me into their missions of misadventure. Remember the big mouth.

So here I sat, worst thing ever having happened to me. Me confused, worst thing bad, not the horror I'd been dreading for so long. Sure, it sucked, but I lived through it and the people that didn't like me before still didn't like me. Most are ambivalent and some are friends. I hold no ill will towards anyone who misconstrued what happened. Some people don't get that a first time public panic attack does not a nutball make. I am rather crazed, even when normal. Although my tendency to fill any silence with talk drives me as nuts as everyone else.

So, with as open a mind as I could muster, I listened to a book about a woman who has very different values than I, tell about a fight with cancer, her relationship to God and her new husband. I thought I would be bugged. I didn't want preaching, but maybe I was looking for some answers. I cannot say I found them, but the book has made me think. This is one woman's journey. It is not telling everyone to take that journey too, nor is she espousing the perfection in her life because of Jesus. Yes, faith is mentioned many times and is the undercurrent of the book, but she seems partial to my favorite quote from the King James Bible, "Jesus said, Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and all thy mind, and the second is like unto it, thy shalt love thy neighbors as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the laws and the prophets."

Easy, peasy lemon squeezy. Love God, love yourself (not LOVE but honor and respect yourself) and love one another. Really, why did I ever bother to remember the ten commandments? It's all there. Every faith system and world view has it. Don't hurt anyone. End of story. Not your God, your friends, your enemies, you. Every word of the Bible can be summed up in those words. At least to me. I don't need the rest. I'm not sure what I am, but I am sure I believe those words to be the truth and uttered by Jesus. I've spent a great deal of time in religious studies. I'm fascinated by them.

So, here was this book. I expected it to be very religious. No. It is very spiritual but hysterical. This woman's take on life is so light, energized and full of love. Not in a preachy way. I want to take her to an ice cream place, a tea house and pick her brain. Listen for hours. I don't do that well, so wanting to is very funny to me. I sat, knit and listened as the voice perfectly matched what I heard as the words were read.. Bad attempts to copy her husband's voice and all. I don't know if the author read this, or an actor who is amazing. I could look, but I'd \be disappointed either way. The essence of this book is perfect. I don't want to place anything into it, other than as it was presented to me. It made me come down from a liberal high horse and do some more thinking about why others felt so strongly and different, but no less committed than I feel. It was refreshing, warm and inviting.

The author has cancer. I will go no further, It is not about survial and if she does, or does not is unimportant. She lives hard while she is in treatment and feels like crap. It's a very real look into the world of someone that I cannot imagine. A new relationship, cancer, loving parents. I don't know what else to say. The story is the journey. The outcome both expected and surprising is not important. You hang on the words of the journey.

I don't care who you are, what deity you worship, you will not be offended, unless you allow yourself to be. She has no apparent agenda other than her life and what happens. It's told in an honest way and it's a treasure to have in my audio library. If you are not of her faith, this book will not anger you. It only points out a human journey to finding peace. God is important, but this is a timeless story that could easily be told by anyone of faith. The faith is not as important as the journey. I was not bothered, nor do I feel like a traitor to my faith, which is always forming, by reading this book. I find spirit in many places expected and unexpected and she does as well. Her forgiving heart and love for her boyfriend, family and gifts is apparent, and full of amusing anecdotes that had me spitting onto my screen. Glad I'm only drinking water now.

Do I give this book, Does This Church Make Me Look Fat?, two thumbs up? It should be apparent in the review. However, I would suggest anyone who has struggled with faith, walked away from it, returned, or not read it. This book speaks universal truths I found refreshing and that can be used in any world view. It's a testament to life. Her life. It transcends the walls she prays in. It questions women's roles in a way that is not denouncing the past, merely wondering. It is thoughtful, not PC to the point of silly and not meant to have you romp on down to her church and join up. It encourages faith, but not any one. What an amazing journey and timeless message. The label of faith falls away and spirit shines.

We are energy, neither created nor destroyed, merely changed. This is how I see the life after this one. She did not make me feel anything, but gratitude for the chance to be alive and love my life.

Well done, Rhoda,. Very well done indeed.

Does This Church Make me Look Fat, by Rhoda Janzen. Available in audio form, and on Amazon, etc. http://www.amazon.com/Does-This-Church-Make-ebook/dp/B0076BQEFG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369847578&sr=8-1&keywords=does+this+church+make+me+look+fat

That is the Kindle link, but I am sure it leads to real paper links and the audio link. I checked, but have been known to be wrong.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.


Nancy

It gets better

Worse thing imaginable? Panic attack in public. It happened. Guess what? I lived through it. TADA! I am not proud, ashamed, or feel stupid anymore. I am not stupid, I have issues. I have a right to them. I am working on them. I am not a freak. I am. 

Know what else I am? A person whose worst fear happened and it was suck-tastic, but I'm okay. I'm happy. I went out in public again. I'm going to a knitting group Wednesday night. Never been, too afraid. Now, I have a plan and I know I will live through it. Am I ready to toss the Klonopin? What, do I look crazy? Don't answer that. I just know now that it's happened it won't again, unless I stop my meds cold. That's stupid and people who get in trouble are usually upping their meds, or lowering them without consulting a doctor.

Are doctors perfect? Have you met a perfect person? Not me. However, they can give you a handle on where you stand and help you deal with adjustments in your life. I've found talking things out in their own time with someone trained to ask thought provoking questions to be of help. Once, I started being honest with myself and my doc. I also see an MD Naturopath as my regular doctor. They complement one another. Neither one likes the fact I go to the other, but I am not discussing it. There is more than one way to build a bridge. 

So, what changes? I don't know. I'm waiting for time to show me the way and live without feeling like I'm waiting. There is a whole world out there I've missed for years. Screw fear. I'm not ready to do it all, but I have some goals, daily up, that I am meeting and if I get caught up in something, I can finish the goal tomorrow. That's life. 

Back to it. What are you waiting for? Have fun, help others and feel. life is short, live. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I am not talking about not planning for retirement. I'm saying put the damn garden in THIS year. Stop waiting for a perfect __________ I've been all over the world and nothing is perfect. It's just different and fascinating. 

It' Hard

I've been a self imposed shut in for years. I went out into the field. I was doing okay, not loved, but tolerated, and some people liked me. Overeager, too wanting to fit in, I made a disaster area of me.

I've been judged by some people and left wanting.  It's not against me, it's for their friend. I am honored they love her so much. This person deserves it.

If you see someone having a panic attack, it's not against anyone. It's not personal. It's what it is. I had one. I had a major one, out of nowhere. I did put ice cream and the reaction together. I like that I am getting answers.

My personal crisis was seen as an attack on someone else. I wasn't in that place. I understood her position. I was scared and panic attacks are not a party of more than one. It's just you in a darkness. You hear your voice, you know you're there, and you are drowning in a world you cannot control. To get out of them you need to let go of the need to hang on. That's really easy to say when you are not having one. Do you see them coming? No. Are you weak because you have them? No. It is. Mental health issues are scary. No one knows what to do and crazy Nancy, well....I'm a bowl-full. If I could have not had a panic attack, I would have chosen not to. You get so scared of the next one, you cease to function. However, hiding did nothing for me, except make me more afraid. More scared than I thought possible. The more that people told me not to have it, I could damage someone else, the more guilt fell. I wanted to breath, but not alone. I took a Klonopin, and started to calm down. However, to make an ass of yourself like that, in front of people you barely know? I feel so ashamed. I'm mentally hiding today. I am not evil, nor broken. Tomorrow I will dust myself off and go on. I will talk to my shrink. Mental issues are not something to be scared of. No one wants pity, either. No one having one wants to be told it's making things worse. We know that.

However, every time I go out and I don't panic, it's a win. A huge one. The attacks will subside. I will always be depressed with ADHD. It's part of me. I refuse to cage myself. I never want a moment of my life to make anyone else feel bad. However, I cannot be alone and lonely in fear of being an ass. Besides, my personality can be abrasive when I am scared. I'm working on that and I need to work with actual humans to get there. It just is what it is and time helps. Life is coming back to me. I want to feel it again. Without fear. One step at a time.

Short Vlog up.

I'll talk more about the retreat as I get out the video recorder and it's quiet. BWAHAHHAHA! This place is louder than my house. Women and fiber and no kids, makes for a raucous weekend.

I  strongly suggest everyone with a hobby, find a retreat and take advantage. There are people to love and learn about. You may make a lifelong friend. You will have fun. You will act like a dork. That's okay. Alright there are people here who think I'm mad as a hatter, but I am!! So it's okay. Not everyone will love you, like you, etc. Some will. They are gold.

Today's video is here http://youtu.be/al-DkU3Z6p0

Knitting for Life Quality

It's not a secret that I have remitting repeating MS. Actually, there is not much in my life that is secret. I am the queen of TMI. What is new my hands. Weakness in my left hand has caused me problems, but knitting, crocheting and doing small tasks have helped me quite a bit. It's not been easy. I've slogged away at it for so long, but I'm getting much better at both and I have more stamina in my hands. I still can't open a bottle, but that may be me.

I've become a yarn addict and it's almost a drug. Well, not the yarn, the knitting. Even if I have to rip back and start over, I can and do. I don't get upset, lost, frustrated, or angry. I plod along and learn. I never thought I'd be that way, but I am. It's almost as good as yoga and knitting in public places starts fun conversations.

Just keep moving what you can, if you have an autoimmune disease. Work to keep it working. Do what your doctor tells you and work to your limits, not past them.

Okay, it's time to spill. New and exciting things are happening here at Goat Rodeo Acres. Okay, it's a doublewide on rented land, but in my dreams. What to look for?

A new blog
Getting my stupid account problem with one and one fixed and getting my old e-mail back. For now, it's nancyaliedel@gmail.com. Mouthful.

A Vlog!!!! It's starting this week.

We moved! Now, I just need to set up the studio.

A HUGE change in the company. Lye was a danger to my children with autism. I've now changed the business, but not 100%. I have someone using my formulas and incis to make my soap for me. I pay her. Sheesh.

A logo. An actual real one. I need to learn to draw a goat, or a cog. A cog would work. Not a Cogswell Cog. I have my dignity. Remember, the Jetsons were the Matrix before the leading man was born.

I'm turning 50 this year. You will hear the scream of pain on my birthday.

I have an instagram and plurk account. Help.

Bella Bunny wanted a beaded scarf.